so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
