why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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