just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
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