I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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