i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
