what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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