your parents love me but you hate me
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
