i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
