you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
