he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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