Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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