I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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