I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
