At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
