My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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