guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
