I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
