Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
