i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
