My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
