Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
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I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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