My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize