hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
