What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had to cum in my sink.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
