I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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