I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
