That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
