I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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