I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
