I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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