I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
kristin has been a bad kristin
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
