Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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