Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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