Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
