I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
