i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
