you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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