if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
