Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
