Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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