Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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