I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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