We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I will be naked everywhere
Naked. naked and bneed help.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
