We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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