just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
