Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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