I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
