i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
