I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
