State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
