There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
