I'm gonna have a badass scar
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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