oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
