You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
