i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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