smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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