i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
