you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
