I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
