Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she pinky promised me she was 18
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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