You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
