did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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