those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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