Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
