): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
