hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
