I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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