all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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