Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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