And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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