So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
