and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
