her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
