Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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