Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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