thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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