It's Friday. Sex?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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