You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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