So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
