I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
