All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
