not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I want a musical about memes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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