Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
