She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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