So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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